By John Lichman
[The Ramen Girl is now available on DVD. What follows is an unabashed live-blog review of the film, which, shockingly, was not being sold at two major retailers nor three separate video stores.]
A Preface:
This film and I have a minor history. I was originally horrified by it and turned it into a Clip Of The Day. It even became a joke between myself and Michael Tully, which I pray he quickly forgot about.
At the time, I wrote:
"Ramen stars Brittany Murphy as Flirty Bubbly Gaijin Girl who comes to Japan to be with her boyfriend. She’s quickly abandoned in lieu of something (we’re guessing Asian women) and discovers the healing power of ramen thanks to a cankerous old Master (Toshiyuki Nishida) and “Mama-San” (Kaori Momoi). Of course, there is no date set for a U.S. release, but if you’re in Japan, Singapore or the Netherlands consider yourselves lucky. Of course, maybe it will be a great film. And maybe ramen can teach us about ourselves. And maybe if I close my eyes and wish real hard, I’ll get a pony and a pink frilly dress with sparkles and made from dreams! Of course, it could just be easier for me to make Cup Noodle for breakfast, again."
It was released on DVD in the U.S. last Tuesday.
After watching only eight minutes of it, I have been forced to revert to a form of reviewing I haven't used since college.
Let's go.
The following took place on a Tuesday night.
8:22: I go back to the beginning.8:23: "Thank you so much," Brittany Murphy ("Stereotypical Gaijin Female") croaks. The sadness wells in her throat as she looks at a Japanese Child who can only mutter "You're Welcome" before running away in terror. This is The Ramen Girl.
8:24: The boyfriend is introduced. They're in a magical club filled with white people. "Nii-San," the sole Japanese man shouts off screen. It is translated as "Ethan."
8:25: Yeah, he's saying "Nii-San."
8:26: Stereotypical Gaijin Female got a job as a copy editor at a Japanese Law Firm. Since she doesn't speak Japanese.
8:27: Stereotypical Gaijin Female meets two flippant one-dimensional characters. One is male, white and decked out in all white. His name is Charlie. He's flamboyant. The other is a redhead, white and named Gretchen.
Charlie: "I drink. Gretchen's a GAY-SHA"
Gretchen: "I'm not a GAY-SHA."
Charlie: "She's a hooker."
Gretchen: "I'm not a HOO-KHAH. I'm a Hostess."
I'll take this time—while they have sex in a cab—to remind you this is only the first three minutes. We have an hour and forty minutes to go.
8:29: OMG! HER BOYFRIEND IS LEAVING HER (for work in Osaka) AND HE WON'T LET HER COME WITH HIM (since, she has a job) AND HE DOESN'T WANT HER TO LIVE WITH HIM (since literally, it becomes apparent she flew out on her own accord in some stalkerish way.)
This is, like, nothing. Also, it is implied he works on websites. He's a white guy in Tokyo who goes around Japan designing websites at companies. That's the equivalent of someone pretending he can live in New York as a photographer.
8:32: Stereotypical Gaijin Female is in the street sobbing after her boyfriend left for work and said he'd be back eventually. JUMP CUT to the Japanese Law Firm, where she sits at a desk with nothing on it—no books, nothing. A closed laptop computer.
8:33: Oh snap, there's wind in the air. She's…wait for it…can it be? Is it? OH FUCK, SHE SMELLS RAMEN. THAT BITCH SMELLS RAMEN. CUE THE MANDOLINS AND ORCHESTRA. THERE IS FUCKING RAMEN IN THAT AIR AND SHE IS FUCKING STARVING FOR IT.
8:35: It is time for her "Rational Moment." Bets are, Ethan in fact is fucking an Asian girl. But what happened to the Ramen she smelled?
8:36: Oh, it started raining randomly to show the passage of tiOH FUCK SHE FOUND RAMEN. SHE IS IN THE RAMEN SHOP. SHE IS SPEAKING ENGLISH IN THE RAMEN SHOP. AND SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND JAPANESE.
8:37: Toshiyuki Nishida is here. And it still sucks.
8:39: And now Kaori Momoi came out.
8:39:
Nishida: "Do foreigners eat spring onion? What about spinach? Popeye eats spinach."
8:40: SHE SAID "ETHAN LEFT ME" AND NISHIDA RESPONDS PHONETICALLY "EAT-O-YEH?" SINCE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ETHAN. WORD PLAY. GENIUS. GO! EAT THE RAMEN, GIRL! EAT THE RAMEN. IT IS 12 MINUTES SINCE I PUT THIS FILM ON AND YOU HAVE NOT EATEN RAMEN.8:42: TWELVE MINUTES AND FORTY-THREE SECONDS IN AND SHE HAS JUST EATEN RAMEN. THANK GOD. SHE IS BEING HEALED BY RAMEN.
8:43: Orchestral swell. And a CGI-Fortune Cat appears to wave its right paw at her. I do believe Nishida slipped her whiskey Ramen.
8:44: Nishida has now had 8 shots of whiskey. Goddamn he's awesome.
8:45:
"Haneko-san. Do you know how to cook...RAMEN?"
"ME? OF COURSE NOT. IT MUSH TOO DIFFKULT. YOU HAVE TO TRAINING TO DO IT."
I just did a spit-take. Fuck.
8:48: Ramen is being dipped into hot water; Ramen is being thrown into a bowl. Ramen is being made while woodwind instruments swell. Ramen is now served to a hungover Japanese Salaryman. And…oh shit, he just tried the broth…and he smiled! OH FUCK. SHE JUST HAD MORE RAMEN SIXTEEN MINUTES AND FIFTY TWO SECONDS INTO THE FILM.
I REPEAT. THE BITCH ATE MORE RAMEN. AND SHE'S LAUGHING.
8:49: I want you to know I mean no disrespect. But seriously, this entire film is a mockery of Japanese culture and should just be called Me Frappy My Dicky: A Blonde Woman Learns To Master A Form of Fast Food.
8:50: This ramen has to be made with liquor. People are getting stupid drunk off it.
8:51: Asian men chanting and clapping. To the untrained eye, this may look like a festival or parade. But to Stereotypical Gaijin Female, this is how she is integrated into culture. At this moment, it's good to point out: she has yet to pay for food at the ramen shop.
8:54:
"Tonight it's the International House of Ramen."
8:55: "I don't wanna go! I wanna stay here!" Funny enough, the second she learns how to say, "You're welcome," in Japanese, she's considered a fluent speaker.
8:56: TANKO DRUMMING. SERIOUS BUSINESS. DIVINE WIND IS BLOWING. "I WANT TO COOK RAMEN!"
Well, great. Only twenty-two minutes to start the plot to The Ramen Girl.
"I want to help be my teacher."—Verbatim Quote from Brittany Murphy, in English.
8:59: "Who the hell is that girl?" It's The Legendary Ramen Girl of course.
9:00: Can't understand Japanese, thinks "Baka" is a sign of respect and hilariously wears shoes into "his house." Mm.
9:02: The entire subplot of this film is that she's bat-shit crazy and can't speak the language.
9:04: "What, wher—wait, why are you taki—wait. What's outside this door? Something's over there? Where? I should go…walk over there?"
Slam door shut. THE END.
9:05: I am not that lucky for some reason. 12th shot of Whiskey from Nishida. I should join in.
I should comment at this time that Brittany Murphy is doing work in the kitchen wearing a frilly dress and high heels. And she somehow found a pack of cigarettes she has since hidden on her body.
9:07: 14th Shot of Whiskey! OK, Nishida. I'm joining you.
9:09: omg, the Ramen Girl found photos of Nishida when he may have been younger and in France!
9:11:
"You're just drunk! You're supposed to be teaching me! Ramen! Ramen!"
9:12:
"This is flat out abuse! Nobody with any self-respect would put up with you! I'm out of here!"
9:14: Moment of truth. The Ramen Girl realizes she's bat-shit insane and decides she will "clean for you."9:24: Uh. She destroyed her phone and realized she's never held a job until now—when she's working a restaurant cleaning tables. And learning the mystical art of food preparation.
9:25: LONELY WHITE WOMAN DANCE BREAK TO SPUNKY GRRRL ROCK. And return of the Flamboyant Guy and GAY-SHA Goddess. Wow, it turns out he IS her pimp.
Now if this was culturally relevant, he'd be Brazilian and she'd be Korean.
9:30:
"You are REERY studring to rearn Ramen! Thats Rawsome!"
"You speak English very well. Where did you learn it?"
"I rearned it rhen I ras a student in Ros Rangeles."
It isn't racism if the Stereotypical Gaijin Female is partaking in Ramen, but if a Japanese guy has to speak English...
9:32:
"Whose side do you think he plays on?"
"It's hard to tell—he's Japanese!"
Wow.
Charlie the Flamboyant Pimp is straight up treating her like a prostitute. Good for him.
9:34:
"A bowl of ramen is a self-contained universe…with life from the sea, the mountains and the earth. All existing in perfect harmony. Harmony is essential. What holds it all together is the broth. The broth gives life to the ramen, understand?"
NO, I DON'T BECAUSE I'M AN IGNORANT WHITE MALE WHO CAN'T COMPREHEND YOUR LANGUAGE AND CAN'T COOK.
That's what I would say if I were The Ramen Boy. I'd also cry and flail my hands. Later, I would remember when I used to be nominated for awards and not be forced to participate in sad attempts at remaking Tampopo without ever acknowledging it.
9:38: Gretchen the "Southern Belle" is frightening as a character, because she may be the most culturally relevant symbol of a foreigner in the Japanese hostess system. Since, yes, Virginia, she's three shades shy of a whore.
And that's disturbing when the entire point of this film is how a foreigner can so easily assimilate a "national treasure" by "walking it's path."
Oh. And she finds a love interest in a Salaryman. Named Yoshi.
9:43:
"Have Rou ever been to the ramen museum in Rokohama?"
HOLY FUCK, HE CAN'T EVEN SAY YOKOHAMA. FUCK. HIS ENGRISH IS THIS BAD IT HAS ABUSED AND MUTATED HIS NATIVE FUCKING TONGUE.
9:44: Elvis Impersonator singing Jingle Bells. I am fine with this.
9:45: Uh oh, allusion to now-dead son of the Ramen Shop Owner.
9:46:
"Look at the color. The texture. I think corn could be beautiful…KIRE."
9:49:
"There's something about the Japanese and making the perfect bowl of soup."
FUCK. YOU. FUCK YOU TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT YOU FUCKING GAIJIN WEEABOO. BOTH OF YOU.
"There's one thing you have to do to survive this country that everybody else does. Drink."
I'm on it.
9:50: Yoshi's talking again. Yoshi's Korean. It makes sense now. Great. The foreigner falls in love with someone who is of mixed descent.
9:51: Okay, an hour in. There's going to be a Ramen cook-off, she's going to fight some rival and then Ethan returns and she lives a happy life. Calling it.
9:52: Oh shit, the rival is set up. And the son is the "bad guy" from Sukiyaki Western Django.
Important note: Nishida says:
"Ramen—Cha cha cha. Maezumi—Cha cha cha."
Subtitles:
"Ramen—RAH RAH RAH MAEZUMI—RAH RAH RAH!!"
9:55: The Grand Master is coming in two months to taste the rival son's broth. He'll taste Stereotypical Gaijin Female's broth and judge her too—OR ELSE SOMETHING DRAMATIC WILL HAPPEN.9:57:
"I don't understand."
NO SHIT. YOU CAN'T SPEAK OR COMPREHEND JAPANESE DESPITE HAVING LIVED THERE FOR HALF A YEAR AND YOU CAN'T TELL BASIC PHRASES LIKE "SHONEN," "TEME," "BAKA," AND "RAMEN." THEY ARE MAKING FUN OF YOU, BLONDE GIRL.
9:58: Stereotypical Gaijin Female's new Japanese-Korean boyfriend is leaving for another job in Shanghai. "It's happening again, etc, etc."
"Don't say it's because you're Japanese, because that's just an excuse."
"I am Japanese!"
Theoretically, your grandparents were Korean. You said so. This makes you an unfortunate half-breed that most Japanese would thoroughly discriminate against, despite claiming not to.
10:00:
"Sensei, will you taste my broth?"
10:01: Another boyfriend leaves her. This time, she's clothed.
10:03: *slurp* *head shake* *walk away*.
"Sensei. Please. Help me. Teach me how to have," dramatic pause, grab breast, "Japanese Word for Spirit."
10:04: The 72 minute mark. Time for a break.
11:37: During this time, I promise you, I've only done shots of scotch.
11:38: She's now gone to the Ramen Master's mother for training.
11:39: SHE SUDDENLY KNOWS JAPANESE.
11:43: IF YOU CRY INTO YOUR RAMEN, YOU WILL MAKE OTHERS CRY.
11:46: Old Man Eating Noodles Means Something.
11:51: OH NO THE STEREOTYPICAL GAIJIN FEMALE FAILED AT MAKING JAPANESE FOOD.
11:55: Oh Stereotypical Gaijin Female, you will be honored before you leave.
11:58: One Year Later…UGH.
She is a chef now, btw. And Yoshi comes back.
11:59: HER SHOP IS CALLED THE RAMEN GIRL. I GET IT NOW. AND IT IS IN A CGI-NEW YORK. GODDAMN I HATE YOU, DIRECTOR ROBERT ALLAN ACKERMAN.
That's it. I'm done.
John Lichman is the online producer for Current.com/Movies and The Rotten Tomatoes Show. He's wandering around the current_movies blog most days, but has also written for Spout, IFC and once co-hosted a podcast about Armond White and drinking.
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24 comments:
Mr. Lichman, I genuinely--not racist movie style--bow to you. Thank you for taking one for the team. I am 86ing this mofo from my Netflix queue immediately. Perhaps as a return favor, I will deliver a live-blog review of The Minis, which arrived on my doorstep yesterday.
Important note: someone correct me if I'm wrong, but the Russian poster seems to translate the title as "Sushi" girl, not "Ramen."
Can i just say... Tampopo is AWSOME!
This movie, is the opposite.
I am traumatized. Someone, please, hold me.
In unrelated news, wasn't Brittany Murphy supposed to be, or about to be, somebody a few years ago?
Why didn't you have any "Improvement Juice" with a carbonated beverage during this live blog?
i waited till the film got going to join Nishida in his drinking game.
Here is lots of movie discussion is describe and told the good and bad point of that movie.There are so movie which is based on the cooks.
Wow, I don't know who you are mr. reviewer, but you don't have a clue. This is a sweet little treat of a movie, that is tough to find these days. It has a few rough edges, but it is full of wonder, life, humor and priceless little gems of details that I enjoyed even more the second time I saw it.
You also know nothing about Japanese culture, if you think there was mockery of it anywhere. I don't know if there is indeed a "grand master" of ramen there, but the Japanese have attached philosophy and meaning to many of their activities.
Frankly, I was horrified to read your review. I think maybe you approached this movie with extreme prejudice and in your efforts to deliver sarcastic comments you completely missed out on enjoying it.
The movie wasn't racist. It was silly, but it wasn't racist. I spent a year teaching English in Japan (I'm Asian American, by the way). The main character is essentially a cartoon character and from the moment we see her teetering around in platform heels trying to "learn" ramen any sane viewer would not expect her to be a realistic representation of immigrant angst in Japan. Jesus. Secondly, the accents of Japanese characters speaking English are perfectly fine because the characters are Japanese people speaking a language they learned in school. Of course they would speak English with a Japanese accent! They sounded exactly like my students! I don't know why you wasted so much time trashing this movie, the popcorn equivalent of Dirty Dancing with chopsticks. You need to chill the fuck out.
Actually I just finished watching the movie - sort of one eyed as I was reading the paper at the same time - and I tend to agree with Anonymous on this one. A little vacuous but racist, no. Degrading to the Japanese, no. I just think it took the director too long to make the point of the movie - the revelation that occurs at Maezumi's mothers house. That should have been earlier on and would have given the movie something to actually build on. I wouldn't watch it again nor would I necessarily recommend it...but I can't merely dismiss this movie as drivel either.
This movie made my list of all time favorites. Having lived in Japan now for 18 years it made me laugh my butt off and smile non-stop. Some folks won't get it and wouldn't if you gave them a lifetime to watch it. Anything but racist. Actually just the opposite.
OK, I'll admit that your review is sarcastic and funny. I also know that it took you some time to write. So, Kudos to you for being witty and world weary.
But, having spent 142 minutes watching this film, I disagree with your overall assessment that it has little merit. I was transported back to Tokyo, a place I doubt that I'll be able to visit again. I also saw a film without mindless violence and gratuitous sex, and one that remained very true to the humor and sweet sappiness of the Japanese. (If you have seen The Fishing Nut, you'll understand what I am saying.) Sure there were stock characters. So what? This movie doesn't pretend to be anything but what it is - a piece of fluff created to entertain the masses. I liked its sweetness. I wouldn't call this the greatest film ever made, but it wasn't the worst either. The biggest problem with it was the lack of time given to cooking the Raman. Other than that, this Cinderella story gave me a couple of hours of unexpected pleasure. This was not a bad way to stay cool on a muggy July afternoon.
Sorry Lichman-san, but I gotta disagree with you on this one. This was a lovely movie -- an homage to modern Japanese culture and food, magical realism and everything.
And it made me hungry for ramen -- real ramen, not that crap in U.S. Cup o' Noodle -- p-thwew!
-- Stereotypical, half-breed Asian Chick
Yeah, I agree with the other comments in how the movie wasn't racist, really. The movie itself wasn't fantastic, but it wasn't terrible. That, and there was a different element to the story rarely seen, well, anywhere: a relationship between a white female and asian male. Not that the movie was trying to make some sort of profound statement about that sort of relationship, but you NEVER see that in movies. Or in real-life. The reversal of that out-numbers the latter 3-1.
Everything else wasn't exactly perfect, including it's somewhat archaic story line and two-dimensional characters, but it was fresh on some levels.
Your review made me laugh so hard I cried. I've been to Tokyo, so I don't think the film is racist--unless to everyone involved. What a so-bad-it's-almost-good film! Brilliant review!
Just saw this movie yesterday and I was like, shit, this movie is so bad that I feel like reaching into the TV and slapping Abby for being such an ignorant psycho dumb bitch. Thank god for the Japanese script when it can be a bit funny. So since I knew nothing about the movie,I looked for reviews on the internet and I only saw yours. So thank you. At least now I dont think Im crazy for being completely lost at what the movie was trying to achieve. As the movie ends, Ive gained nothing but a headache and the utmost desire to burn the DVD to make ramen.
Trapped on a 15 hour flight from dubai to los angeles, I watched this film. Hoped it would be 'light' fare to pass the time. Now, I just wish I had taken ambien instead. Next time, I will check out reviews of movies before I subject myself to bad movie torture. Thank you for warning others.
Typical Gaijin movie about Japan. Did anyone notice, the background music of the entire film was Chinese music not Japanese? Also, for a lady with little means she lived in a huge place (compared to the tiny assed Japanese apartments).
The movie was fun to watch but why does Hollywood make movies that are so stereotypical? Noted Brittany was one of the producers of the film
One Must watch "Tampopo" first and have spent time in Japan to understand this movie. It is "cute" but so was "Tampopo" which this is essentially a remake of. Japan is a culture obsessed with the "cute". American women often take the sexy/slutty side of femininity to the extreme, and Japanese often take the cute/innocent to the extreme. All in all this was a pleasing reminder of my time in Japan and evoked some of the memories of being welcome, but still an outsider.
Regarding what "anonymous" said about the whole soundtrack being chinese. If the individual knew what he or she were talking about they would know that Japanese Cineman borrows LIBERALLY from all over. And to say that a Japanese soundtrack sounds chinese is ridiculous because all Japanese culture comes from China via Korea.
End of Story.
"And to say that a Japanese soundtrack sounds chinese is ridiculous because all Japanese culture comes from China via Korea.
End of Story."
Serious? This is the most retarded comment I've read on here--and there were plenty of retarded comments.
This sounds pretty close to: "Japanese different from Chinese? Psssh! It's all the same."
Americans different Europeans? No way! Because Americans CAME FROM THERE!
This movie sucks and it's degrading to both the Japanese and the viewer in the way all cheap comedy inherently degrades.
"End of story."
Ramen Girl, aspiring to be a delightful food flick, copies several plot points from older food films like Tampopo and Like Water For Chocolate, so it's quite disappointing to watch. The maker of this film is a fan of Tampopo, as he even uses the same actor who plays Goro (in Tampopo) as the Grand Master of Ramen in this movie.
If you're looking for excellent foodie flicks, start with the classics - Eat Drink Man Woman, Tampopo, Babette's Feast, Big Night, and all of that.
:-)
Having said that, now I feel guilty for dissing Brittany. RIP girl, I loved you as Tai.
Your review of The Ramen Girl revealed more about you than it did about the movie. You clearly don't know anything at all about contemporary Japanese culture. If you did you could never accuse the film of being racist. If anything, it's more of a love letter to Japan than anything else. You also evidently don't know much about how to watch a movie. So many of your comments are just so totally inaccurate, I was forced to wonder what you were on when you claim that you were watching this film. For example you say she enters an all white club at the beginning. There are only four white people in the whole place. All the others are Japanese. Then you ridicule this Japanese guy's accent when he says "Ethan". You insist several times that he's saying "Nissan". It only sounds that way because he has an accent. The inaccuracies multipy as you go along. You continue throughout your "review" to reveal your own ignorance and lack of sophistication in understanding what it's like to live in a foreign culture. How common everyday things like a bowl of ramen or a street ceremony can take on a mystique that can be both seductive and charming because of their "foreigness". Emerging oneself in the other, the foreign, can be a very healing thing at certain times in one's life. That's what this simple and lovely and often funny and touching movie is about. Your sledge hammer sensibility could not begin to understand that. Your own racist tendencies were revealed in your ridiculing of foreign actors speaking English in their own accents. Making fun of foreign accents would place you at about having a 6th grade education. Grow up. Get out. Live a bit outside of your American smugness. Maybe once you've had a bit more experience in the world, you'll be ready to comment on other people's work and art.
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