By John Lichman, Faisal A. Qureshi, Vadim Rizov, and Keith Uhlich
[Editor's Note: The views expressed in this podcast are those of the commenters, and do not necessarily reflect the official policies, positions, or opinions of The House Next Door.]
INTRODUCTION
Hello Dear Non-Listeners!
We're back like Death Metal Disco and thrice as evil. But this time, we're bringing in the big guns—ok, fine, our imported guns—as we recorded on the Fifth of November with Faisal A. Qureshi (Nerve's Screengrab among other things). As for the annoying buzzing noise during the first ten minutes, that is what happens when your co-host keeps fiddling with his cell phone next to the recording device.
This episode is our minor tribute to the late Michael Crichton. We think back to previous works like Jurassic Park, as well as directorial efforts such as The Great Train Robbery and—shockingly—Runaway. Of course, it all devolves into weird praise for Kirstie Alley, Vadim grumbling about something or other, and me ignoring W. for a second week. At the same time, we learn why Faisal came to a podcast that he wasn't even aware of! (Kidding.)
Lo, this is Episode 7—"Oscar (sic) Schindler's Cock Glove." Thanks again to our guest, who went on with us to our second favorite bar—Holiday Cocktail Lounge—and was pleasantly surprised by the scum-like surroundings we like to inhabit.
Join us next time when Mike D'Angelo comes back to talk Afterschool and if you see either Vadim or me at the bar, please, buy us a drink! And give us jobs if you work for The Onion. (JL)
Podcast is embedded below. Any problems, it can also be found here as a downloadable mp3 file. (TRT: 41 minutes 51 seconds)
PODCAST
_________________________________________________
John Lichman is a freelance writer who contributes to The Reeler, Primetime A&E [print only] and anyone with cash. He works odd jobs to afford his vices, sleeps on couches and can drink Vadim Rizov under a table.
Faisal A. Qureshi's got an Amazon profile.
Vadim Rizov is a New York-based freelance writer. His work has appeared in The Village Voice, The Onion AV Club and Paste Magazine, among others.
Keith Uhlich is editor of The House Next Door.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
HND@Grassroots: Season 2, Episode 7 (25), "Oscar (sic) Schindler's Cock Glove"
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13 comments:
Wow, that Faisal sure is a classy fella. What the hell did you put in his drinks? (I'm hoping there was a playfully ironic intent behind all the unpleasantness -- I've been known to make similarly tactless gestures in the name of "comedy" myself -- but it's hard to tell for sure when you're a seceond-hand listener without the intoxicating swirl of the Grassroots' alcohol-saturated atmosphere helping you along.)
Loved his description of the Liam Neeson flick though. That was the tits.
I hate to say this, but Faisal was stone-cold sober the whole time. I personally thought it was funny, but hey.
I just want to add a note here about the Ben Lyons shout-out. Last night I had the dubious pleasure of finally catching up with Lyons and Mankiewicz in action. It was, predictably, as inane as I expected and positively made me miss Richard Roeper. Anyway: they're talking about The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas and one of them (I think Lyons, but not 100% sure of this) announces what a magnificent treatment this is of the killing of "12 million people."
I do not know where they got this number, aside from doubling 6 million Jews; even if you factor in gypsies etc., it doesn't add up. How in the world were they stupid enough to say that, and what editor let them pass?
Suffice it to say, who wants to vote to replace one of them with me? Let's start a Defamer meme!
I call Lichman/Rizov for 2012.
p.s. Faisal was awesome.
and there was nothing tactless about his admission of the only reason anyone goes to Times Square or election night parties.
Unless you're a fucktard hipster getting arrested on Bedford Avenue.
I should've written "misogyny" instead of "unpleasantness" because then my playfully ironic capstone would have better deflated the critical flavour of the first paragraph (which was the intended effect).
Maybe I was trying for too much with too little, though.
The whole podcast experience was worth the effort just to hear the title thrown down at the end. Sounded like there were more then a few tears of laughter in the room....
One of the 2000 here to point out that the seemingly-elusive third Jason Statham movie this year was Paul Wombat Shit Anderson's Death Race, which I had the deep displeasure of paying money to see and writing far too much about over here:
http://www.halo-17.net/articles/index/Death+Race/11988
Also, any further propagation of the Lyons brood will be the downfall of us as a species.
Oh wow now *I* need to apologize. (Sincerely.) Missing the irony in your post was so obtuse I'm ashamed.
I will say this is probably the most offensive podcast we've done since I went off on Emily Gould. But I don't find it beyond the pale.
Possibly the best podcast. Yes ... undoubtedly the acme of alcohol induced airings in the entire series. And Vadim continues to fascinate. He owns a copy of the soundtrack to SPHERE, is compelled to see TIN MEN and describes how the silly use of cell phones in JURASSIC PARK III allowed the dinosaurs to locate human food. Thank the Pagan Gods that there were no Velociraptors in the vicinity of Grassroots during this podcast ... if there were, the flesh tearing terrors would have easily located Lichman, Rizov and Keith "fantasizing an X-rated 3-way with some X-Men" Uhlich due to Vadim engaging his cell phone during the discussion. The high-pitched buzzing emitting from the speakers loosened a filling in THE FUTURIST!'s right molar.
IN other news ... Faisal was the greatest guest ever. His description of the Liam Neeson potboiler was hilarious. Best was his story of being in the Times Square celebratory mob trying to find Election night girls to satisfy his Election Night Erection.
Tales of Crichton's film works impressed THE FUTURIST! the most. Oft times the podcast becomes a snobby affair with the participatory guests drinking and huffing and puffing like dandies in a Flaubert novel. This one was pure fun! Completely engrossing.
P.S. THE FUTURIST! would do Cyclops just to see the damage done to the boudoir when those glasses came off during the Marvel-ous tussle. Can you just imagine? How cool would that be?
See, THE FUTURIST! knows funny. "Election Night Erection" = comic gold (and can you imagine the increase in laugh returns when delivered verbally by a heavily accented Asian? -- the fun would never stop!).
Bravo, sir!
On the other hand, "I was looking for two things: election-related thrills and pussy" (to paraphrase) is walking a pretty narrow line between funny and noxious. I was on the fence for quite a while, but the angry-Neeson-film description won me over. For another while at least...
Vadim: no worries! Your initial response gave rise to some delightful comedy stylings of your own: "I hate to say this, but Faisal was stone-cold sober the whole time," for example. I laughed pretty hard at that.
And besides, I was definitely implying at least partial criticism -- I was just trying to offset it a little with some self-deprecating irony.
Is this shit just getting too complicated? I keep reminding myself not to post when I'm tired...
Alright, whattya say, THE FUTURIST!?(?) How about another round of dangerously dextrous wordplay to keep the X-citement up before you and the 'clops go down? Won't be many opportunities to entertain the House crowd once ol' one-eye blows you clean out of this world and into the next. Why not keep knockin' 'em dead before Mr. Summers has his chance to send you packing on a journey to the undiscovered country?
Seriously, you're killin' 'em out here. (Or I'm laughing, anyway -- for what that's worth. And I'm definitely ready to pass out, too. Close enough.)
Hey, one of your two thousand listeners here. I don't know why, but I love this pod cast.
OK, I just checked with John: the cell phone buzzing was apparently Keith's, just to be clear. I don't even get reception down there most of the time. I have a few minutes to kill here, so...
I used to have an obsession with film soundtracks, which served as a transition between my parents' all-classical agenda and the indie-fucktard nonsense I listen to now. That score is pretty great — Goldenthal is pretty underrated in general — but he comes *this close* to completely ripping off Edward Scissorhands a few times. I'm serious. And I didn't make it out to Tin Men. I saw The Roaring Twenties instead. It was awesome.
And it strikes me as strangely appropriate that one of our fans tags himself "the masochist."
Sorry, Vadim. When reading the summary intro written by Mr. Lichman on the blog in which he mentione his "co-host" and cell phone, THE FUTURIST! assumed it was his favorite misanthrope, namely you. It's more understandable it was Keith Uhlich accessing IMDB on his iphone to find film data on that Neeson atrocity and Crichton criteria. THE FUTURIST! thinks of Keith Uhlich as the trust fund baby of the Grassroots cabal. His voice makes THE FUTURIST! desire a martini with bleu cheese stuffed olives while leaning against a bookcase full of leather bound Trollope and the need to steam iron his ascot.
Query: Is Faisal real or was that Lichman doing a character?
Vadim, THE FUTURIST! loves soundtracks, too. His OUR MAN FLINT cd is a cherished fetish.
THE FUTURIST! must go now. He must search for his mislaid Oscar Schindler Cock Glove. The left one. In calfskin. It must be found. Not only in preparation for the chilly Autumnal evenings ahead, but it was a gift from his dearest Great Aunt Vespa.
I know Faisal, and had dinner with him when he was in NYC. I will, eventually, go see _Taken_ because of his description.
Then again, he _recommended_ _Zardoz_, and I still hold a grudge over watching _THAT_.
Brian Siano
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