By Matt Zoller Seitz
Dear friends, family and visitors to The House Next Door:
As you can imagine, it has been a difficult few days. As of this writing, the medical examiner's office has not reached any conclusions about the cause of my wife Jennifer's untimely death. When my younger brother Jeremy called them yesterday, he was told that they probably would not know anything until Monday at the earliest.
But among all who knew here, there is a collective sense that we should proceed with some kind of memorial anyway, with or without ashes to scatter. So we're moving ahead.
An informal memorial for Jennifer Dawson will be held this Thursday, May 4, at 2 p.m., at the Strawberry Fields Memorial in Central Park. We'll say a few words about Jennifer, and when we're done, we'll return our block, the State Street Cathedral Block in Brooklyn.
Around 4 p.m. there will be reception at St. Nicholas Antiochian Orthodox Cathedral, where Jennifer worked as a secretary during the day. The reception will last a couple of hours, and if anyone wants to hang out after that, we'll walk next door to our house and do it there.
The 2 p.m. memorial service is open to the public. Anyone who feels a need to be there is invited and encouraged to attend.
I apologize for the short notice, but all things considered, I think it's better to let out-of-town friends and family grieve and remember now rather than subjecting them to the emotional and logistical difficulty of making a second trip to New York after the medical examiner's office has finished its work. If anyone has any questions or needs directions, you can contact me at reeling@aol.com.
I will close by collectively thanking everyone for their condolences. Whether delivered by phone, email or via the comments section of Alan's post yesterday, your kind words have been a great help to Jennifer's family when they needed it most. When things settle down again in the coming weeks and months, I will attempt to thank all of you individually for your compassion and support. It has truly been extraordinary. As long as we live, none of us will ever forget it.
Love,
Matt
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Jennifer Dawson, 1970-2006
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53 comments:
Hi Matt,
Thaks for the pictures of Jennifer, Hannah, James and yourself. It is good to hold her in mind surrounded by family and love.
Jennifer has always been a deep and true friend. She will always be someone for whom I feel love and respect.
Please share my love with your family.
-john
I'm very suprised that you are posting so soon. I don't honestyl know you that well but I can see you have many friends and I am very sorry for your loss. Jennifer seemed like a lovely woman.
Matt:
It's too sad for words. As a husband and father of young ones, my wife means everything to me, and I can't reckon your loss. You have my most profound sympathies.
Best,
Sean
As those of you who know me realize, cirumstances mean that I can't be there Thursday as much as I want to be. I've posted some thoughts about what Jennifer meant to me on my blog and it's turning into collection of remembrances about Jen's life. I avoided posting a link before because I felt it would seem crass and self-serving, but Matt has asked me to and I'm glad to honor his wishes. The link is here
My thoughts are with you, your chidren, and with Jennifer's family. Take care.
tom
There are so many stories I want to share about Jen, that I don't know where possibly to begin. My life was richer for having known her for these past two decades, surviving all the silliness that goes with your teenage years and the eventual comfort and maturity that comes with adulthood. I remember when I had a thoroughly ridiculous job interview in Manhattan that I ended walking out on in disgust and how she and Matt welcomed me into their home with little notice and let me dine with them and bitch and moan. I remember the many times I was at her parents' house with others, watching things on TV or playing silly board games up in her bedroom with the slanted wall. I remember both of us laughing hysterically when we went to a NY theater and saw Flirting With Disaster. I remember the many trips to Snuffers when I visited her in Dallas when she was at SMU and experienced what are still the best damn cheese fries in the world. Also in Dallas, I remember watching the re-release of Spartacus with her on the big screen -- the way it really needed to be seen. It's not that I don't think of many of these things and others that are much more personal about Jennifer every day anyway, but since I got the news, it's like my life has passed before my eyes. Right now, the pain is still deep and palpable, but I hope eventually all the great memories of her will replace this last one.
This is just beyond words, you guys have to be the most wonderful family I've known of ever. I am constantly made to feel better and am inspired by the warm memories of having known, worked with and occasionally been around you, Jenniffer & Hannah. It's just amazing how so very few people really get life right, and in some of their moments, go on to inspire and share that energy with others the way you guys always seemed to.
You, Jen, and Hannah will always be an inspiration for what people really can be, it has been an honor to know that greatness, it will be remembered always.
S_
Hi Matt,
Checking your blog on Monday morning to read about film, and seeing this shocking news leaves me somewhat speechless. Though we don't know each other, please accept my sincere condolances.
For what it is worth, film is inherently about memory, memorials, and commemoration, and therefore, at the very least, it is reassuring to know that Jennifer's memory will be in very capable hands.
carlos
"The harder you try to forget something, the more it will stick in your memory. Once I heard someone say that if you have to lose something, the best way to keep it is to keep it is to keep it in your memory."
(Wong Kar-wai, "Ashes of Time")
I read Jennifer's obituary in the Oklahoman today. I don't know you and didn't know her, but my name is Jennifer and I'm in my mid-30s, and I have an elementary school aged daughter and infant son. The similarities of our lives, struck me. I am praying for your daughter and son now, everytime Lord God brings them to my mind. -jennifer in oklahoma
Matt,
There is always so much to say in a time like this and I am glad to know that I have already said those things to Jennifer and to you. But, an existence like Jennifer's is too vibrant and loving and fantastic for past tense commentary. I know Jennifer lived in and through every moment that the Lord put in front of her and I'd like to celebrate her for it!
When you guys were last in Dallas with the film it was great to see how Jennifer completely embraced my new bride. It was their first meeting and Jen just wrapped her up with the same love that she gave to me that day you brought me home...the sniveling, wet nosed poet that you had dared to encourage with a write-up.
Jennifer's humanity is one that continues to alter the way that I take the world into my own life. She has always been a dynamic lantern unto which the masses collect themselves for doses of love, concern, maturation and joy. Let others call it warmth or charm or friendliness. As for me, I know what it means to know Jennifer's love of life firsthand and I thank you and her for that knowledge.
It is that knowledge that gave me pause when Renea touched my hand and said "come over here with me...away from the din and noise of the life that you are wadding through". Having watched you guys for a short time; being at your parties, dinners, movies and then taking part in your wedding, I knew right away to run toward that good thing.
Thank you Jennifer for keeping my eyes open to the life "to be lived".
My prayers and love to you and the little giants.
Mardis
Dear Matt,
My heart broke when I read of your loss. I live in Dallas and have often read your articles in the Observer. After all I've learned from reading about your lovely wife and seeing her pictures I can only say, in truth, I wish I had known her. My thoughts and hopes and prayers will be with you, your children and your family. I can only imagine your loss, but as I'm 35, a Jennifer also with a writer for a husband...well, I can't help but feel touched by and compassionate for your loss. I know I live in Dallas, but if you ever need anything please feel free to call upon me. I would be honored to help.
Jennifer
Jennifer - Your laugh, Your smile, Your warm face, Your spirit will always remain. You have and still continue to touch our lives. It is an honor to have worked with you and to know your family to see you as a friend, a colleague and to watch you as a wfe and mother. You have carved out a place in our hearts and will live on.
Matt - You have been a dose of magic in my life since the day we met. I know I am far away but, I am here for you and Hannah and James in any way I can be of service or support. You took a chance on me, believed in me. You and Jennifer and Hannah welcomed me into your life and continue to treat me with respect and trust and that is a gift I can only repay by offering it right back to you. You are a remarkable person. A brilliant father and a husband we can all take lessons from. Thank you and know you are loved.
Jennifer,
We met on your first day at Hefner Junior High. You seemed not the least intimidated by all the newness, and won my heart almost immediately with that surprisingly sudden, dimpled smile of yours. You also told me not to be a jerk, which was pretty much a constant state for me at that age. With so much patience and sweetness, you still could deliver a sharp jab when needed. I have missed you more and more each of the last few days, and cannot imagine the cummulative loss of Matt and the children. Canta con gli Angeli.
Rob
My deepest condolences. Thank you for sharing the pictures of your beautiful wife and family. I can't imagine the grief you must be going through but I hope the support of your family and friends can keep you going at this time.
I am a stranger who reads your column, but you are in my heart.
Dear Matt,
I wish you comfort for yourself and strength for your family at this dark time. God bless you.
Matt-I, too, read the obit in the OKC paper. Please accept my condolences.
D in Norman, OK
I read about this on Round-Headed Boy's blog. This is truly heartbreaking. My deepest condolences.
Just reading of your wife's passing today and seeing the pictures brought it all home even more strongly. My deepest condolences on this unexpected loss . . .
Jennifer Dawson loved music, so if I'm near the jukebox I'm going to put something on that she would want to dance to, which really was just about anything. For she really knew how to live. For me, my friendship with Jennifer was the advent of a new world, one that I am still living in. She was so lively and intelligent, and so humble about her intelligence. And it all came in such a beautiful package. You wanted to be near her because that's where life was happening. It was like wherever she went, spring was blooming. When thinking about Jennifer, I keep coming back to this word "life" because that's what she showed me. Something vitalist and ebullient. Back in those days, I was a moody cuss, and I can remember many a time that we'd be watching some awful movie, and I would be in a foul humor. I would look over at Jennifer and see her laughing and having such a good time. She knew the movie was terrible, but she so naturally could find whatever enjoyment was there to be had. She knew how to enjoy life. It was such a lesson to me. Her view of life was so much larger and more expansive than my own. She taught me how to live and she never said a word. It was pure example. I used to have one of those birthday astrology books, and I always remember her day because it seemed so right to me- The Day of Contentious Conviviality. It was a contentiousness wholly without rancor, a way she had of pushing your buttons to spark a lively excitement. And Convivial? Wow! They sure got that right! I could tell so many funny stories from the all-too-brief time I knew her, and recount so many of her acts of kindness, but I have to slow down now. Writing this is difficult and I know her spirit has strongly effected so many of you, and I want to hear about it.
There is one other thing I want to touch upon because I think it's important, and most singular in my experience, and that is the way Jennifer treated her friends. I mean when they weren't around- behind their backs. I've witnessed many times when people who were around would begin to gossip and dish dirt, or start to gripe about someone (like so many of us do) and Jen would stop them in their tracks and say "you're talking about C. Well, C. is a good friend of mine and I don't appreciate you talking this way in front of me." Her fidelity to her friends was impressive and warrior-like, and puts me to shame. I mention this because I will probably see some of you this Thursday and I just wanted you to know that I've seen her go to bat for you out of genuine devotion.
As I sit here typing this, I can feel my tears of grief turning to tears of gratitude. I feel grateful I was ever so lucky to have known such a person. Here in Oklahoma, I can already see that Jennifer's passing has brought Life in its wake, as old friendships that have withered on the vine revive, and bud with a new life. A whole network of people whose lives she touched and inspired (I'll call it a family) has began speaking to one another again. Because of this renewal of contact, I know of at least one lost person whose life has probably been saved. It seems the blessings of having known Jennifer will never cease.
Anyway, my memories of Jennifer are from so very long ago. They give shape and substance to my youth. The last time I saw Jen was at her and Matt's beautiful wedding, and it has been several years since I have spoken to her directly. There has been so much life lived since then, so much life that those of you reading this can bear witness to. So much life that I don't know anything about. The fact that Jennifer would make such a wonderful mother and a loving wife to an ideally matched husband was one of those few certainties in life upon which I never had occasion to doubt. I look forward to hearing from some of you, hearing your stories and tales about this most remarkable Woman- a true credit to the human race. Nothing shall keep us from mourning her death, but now is also the time to celebrate her life.
David Earl Hill - OKC
Matt, you'll never know how much I appreciated the pictures you've posted here. I'm very grateful, as someone who never met your wife, for such an inclusive gesture, even though it made the pain of the empathy I'm feeling for you and your family even more piercing. I don't know what I'd do were I in your position-- my wife and my children mean everything to me, even in those moments when I feel like I'm beginning to take them for granted. Your strength and your willingness to share with us all your wife's beauty and her exceptional quality as a human being is a personal inspiration, as well as a reminder that taking my family's presence in my life, or anyone else's for that matter, simply should not be an option. You all will be constantly on my mind this week. I join with you in offering a tribute to someone I wish I could have been honored to know. All my best, and from my wife and daughters too.
matt - sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you, your children and your wife's family.
peace from london
John
My condolences. I'm a new reader who just left a comment on an old post I reached through another blog, and I apologize for the intrusion during your time of loss.
Matt ~ You write about films, and thus about images. For those of us who didn't know Jennifer, these images speak with a devastating eloquence of how special a person she must have been.
Know that you have hundreds--thousands--of friends out here in the world.
Matt:
Again, my heart goes out to you, your family, and your wife's family---whoever has been touched by her sudden death. I really want to make it to the memorial, but alas, final exams beckon here at Rutgers. Hope you understand. That's all. Wish I had known your wife better; she sounded like a great person. I wish I had more to say, so I hope what I've said so far is enough.
dear matt, jennifer remains precious & inspiring as these photos capture her. please honor her and your love as a family, couple, by being strong and continue to reap what you began sowing together. in this transcient life, love, remember, let go, peace. best wishes, jacqui c.
another Oklahoman reader, who is so very sorry for your loss, and for your children's loss. Will be thinking of you in days ahead, and keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. I'm just so sorry for your troubles.... T in OKC
mat i am so very sorry
jennifer was such a sweet kind lovely woman and now im sifting thru all the times i met her thru trey
and feeling the loss of not getting to know her more
i cant even imagine how you must feel
facing life without your love and the mother of your children
i can only say that my heart and prayers are with you
Friday was spent having incoherent conversations with friends as we attempted to talk about what has happened.
Sunday morning, I did something to reconcile my feelings in some way. I watched "Home".
Watching your movie made me feel better.
You've made a really good movie. But seeing all of the different relationships in the movie between all the diverse characters, it made me think about how special Jennifer must have been, and what an inspiration she must have been to you, and how many good memories you must have of her.
I think that translates into "Home" in many positive, touching, and beautiful ways. I wondered if watching the film would feel morbid for me, but it was entirely the opposite, and reminded me of the value of all life's bounty. There's a lot of you in the movie, and a lot of Jennifer, and for that, as an audience member, I am humbly grateful.
Matt,
The beautiful photos of Jennifer and the memories (here in the comments) from people who knew her give me a sense of the wonderful person she was. Once again, I am deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope that you will find solace in your own memories of the goodness of her life.
Matt, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your kids. My heartfelt condolences.
Sorry for your loss.
Dear Matt:
I can't begin to feel the devastation Jennifer's loss must mean to you and your family.
As one who has enjoyed your work online for some time, I just wanted to share a digital hug with you.
My prayers are with you and the children.
Dear Matt:
I can't begin to feel the devastation Jennifer's loss must mean to you and your family.
As one who has enjoyed your work online for some time, I just wanted to share a digital hug with you.
My prayers are with you and the children.
Solid
Strong
Unfettered
Beautiful
Stable
Intelligent
Feminine
Nurturing
Lovely
Missed.
Matt, you and your family are very much in my thoughts here in London. I don't know you, but I know a lovely family when I see it. Jennifer, your adoring husband and gorgeous children will remain in my prayers.
Matt,
I am so sorry. Jennifer was a pure pleasure and a friendly acquaintance for my six years on State Street. May her spirit be permanently reflected in the beauty of State Streets blooms. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Hannah & James.
With love, and a broken heart,
Joan
I am so very sorry. Jennifer's vibrant spirit shines through these photographs; I can only guess at the magnitude of such a loss. My deepest sympathy to you.
Matt -- from a regular reader of your work in the NY Press and this blog, my deepest condolences. From the reminiscinces posted here, your wife sounds like a wonderful woman. I wish you and your family courage and comfort in this difficult time.
Nelson
Matt -- from a regular reader of your work in the NY Press and this blog, my deepest condolences. From the reminiscinces posted here, your wife sounds like a wonderful woman. I wish you and your family courage and comfort in this difficult time.
Nelson
As a longtime reader of your words, I wish I could think of something better to say, or find a way to interpret and translate these feelings I have into something more poetic and meaningful. I'm not smart enough to think of anything better than what has already been said by others. I just hope in some way you and your family can feel the warmth and love we who are distant and anonymous are sending you.
Jerry
Matt,
My deepest condolonces to you and your family. Please know that you've touched countless lives with your work, and many of us are sending you our best wishes.
matt,
you and your children, your family, your friends -- you're in my heart. we've never met but nonetheless, my heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to you and yours as all of you remember the magnificent radiance that was Jennifer and lives on through all of us.
Hi Matt,
Thinking of you and your family.
Sincerely,
Will McElroy
Teaching 3rd grade in Los Angeles
From those pictures Jennifer seems like a beautiful person.
Take care and best wishes
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Hey Matt,
Let me know if you need anything. Hope you & the kids are holding up as well as you can at the moment.
Sujewa
5/8/06
matt,
been thinking about you and your family ever since this tragedy occurred. as much as a stranger's words can give any solace ...
Honey, I'm verklempt and, for once, at a loss for words. I adore Jennifer and I'll miss her. And you and your family are very much in Dave's and my thoughts. We love you.
Oh my God, she was so young. My heart goes out to you, Mr. Seitz, I wish I knew a bit less about losing people early myself, but none of them was a wife.
I'm rarely at a loss for words, but even if here I wasn't, what realistically could I say, beyond wishing my best to you and yours.
Matt,
I'm taking a second to explain the series of events that led me to your blog.
A colleague of mine showed me the obiturary that Jennifer Weiss did in the Star Ledger. This friend knows of my involvement in www.youngwidow.org has I am President of the organization.
I have never reached out to contact anyone through an obituary before - members seem to find us as we now have 6200 members logged in worldwide. These are all men and women who have been widowed at a young age - 18 - 60. It is an amazing support community considering there is litle support for young widow/ers. As you well know, the admission into this club is too high - nobody wants to be here, but we are very THANKFUL that we have each other.
We all have different scenarios that led us to the website - mine is that my husband died unexpectedly when I was 47 yrs old on 9/2/01.
I sent an email to Jennifer asking her to pass the info onto you - I feel if my colleague felt the compassion of seeing your picture in the paper then at the very least I should take the steps to contact you. Jennifer sent me an email back saying she would feel a bit awkward considering she didn't know you but did send me the link to this Blog.
I have come to the theory that when people reach out to touch one another you should go ahead with your gut.
So if and when you are ready, the www.youngwidow.org will be waiting.
Hoping you find those days of peace and comfort soon.
Abbe
Hi Matt,
I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. My deepest condolences during this difficult time.
-Wyatt
John,
I trully wish I would of found you sooner. I'm so sorry to hear about Jen. She was still as beautiful as ever.
You two touch my life in such a positive way and made a difference to that 15 year old girl so long ago. I've never forgot about you guys or John. I'm eternally grateful to of known all of you.
Love,
Amy P.
I am so sorry for your loss, and by this time, without poking too much into your life, I hope there was some resolve as to your wife's death.
You don't know me, nor I you. But, I was bored at work just now, and on a whim googled myself, Jennifer Dawson. And here you are... there is she.
Striking, and so very moved and prayers go up from my desk to you and those you love.
Peace.
D. Jennifer Dawson
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